i think i'm over it

i like the idea of blogging, but i don't like the one-sidedness of it. i'd rather have conversations, and i think that blogs lead me to being a poor conversationalist. not that i've done much reading or writing in blogs lately, but once i cut back, i realized i was glad i did.

i bid you all goodbye, and i hope we meet in the land of face-to-faceness. that will be much more fun for me.

another movie

i watched Jesus Camp last night. it was interesting, and i did a little research, and supposedly no one portrayed in the movie had any objection to how they looked. except ted haggard, and that was only after his scandal broke a few months after the movie came out.

the thing that came back to me was how those in the movie made christianity into something militant. i know there are many passages in the bible that refer the the armor of god and comparing life to war. but does that make us militant? does it make us want to build up an army against our enemies? it seems to make sense, that i should fight in any way those who oppose the things i believe (as long as what i believe falls in line with "god's will"). but i don't think i can be sure of anything that much, certain enough to bring arms against my neighbors. at least now, i have more hope that things will be better and i won't have to perform militant acts, than i have faith that what i believe demands action. i am sure of very few things. i'm not sure if that makes me faithless.

the truth

i think i accept what is easiest to believe before i accept what is true. i've seen this more and more in people and in myself.

i saw a patient who had a problem that medicine could not cure the way he wanted it to be cured. it wasn't quick enough or long-lasting, so he went to an "alternative medicine" doctor to get a quicker fix. this doctor told him the best way to cure disease is to get more oxygen in your body. this is easy to believe. it makes sense if you want it to. so he believed it and shoved a hydrogen peroxide enema up his ass and got a severe chemical burn to his rectum.

the easy answers to believe are the ones that make my life easier. i can convince myself that i am happy the way i've always been. it's easiest not to change, and it's easiest to believe that i will be happy if i don't change. if i stay the same person as i am right now, 10 years from now i'll be just as happy. it makes since, but it's scary, however, when i start to change.

the truth is, i won't be happy 10 years from now if i stay the same. and i'm not trying to change, but i am. i want to keep my guard up. i want to lock myself up and just be who i've always been. but i can't, because i'm changing.

i never thought i would fall in love. i never wanted to. i always pictured myself alone. that's changing.

i never wanted to see the bad in people. i always looked for the small good that i saw in a person. i always loved the lovable. i never wanted to see bad, but now i do. it's hard to love people who you can't see good in, but i'm meeting more of them every day. learning to love people who are easy to hate is totally new for me. it's not happening quickly, or noticeably, but it's there.

i always wanted to know everything. i probably got into medicine because i wanted to be the smartest and the best. that's changing. nothing like hanging around really smart people to make a decently smart person feel dumb. but i'm starting to become ok with it.

changes are good, and the truth is i would probably hate myself if i didn't change from now to 35 years old. it would be easy, but i'm not the person i am now. i'm changing, and i'm just now realizing it. it's kind of cool.

sicko

i got the chance to see the new michael moore movie yesterday. it was interesting. it was well-made. it was incredibly one-sided. everything i've come to expect from mr. moore.

i see where he is coming from. he wants america to socialize its medical care. it would provide care for everyone, which is a good thing. it would be "free" which is a good thing for people who need it but can't afford it. but it's paid for, just by other people.

the facts that moore throws into the movie are pretty far-fetched. he makes claims without stipulations, such as saying that the french live longer than americans because of their health care. they don't. they live longer because they live healthier lifestyles and there is much less crime, not because their health care system is better. so if you see it, consider big pictures, not just what he says. is it true literally, versus can it be applied to what he is trying to express with it?

anyway, getting back on subject... you cannot mix capitalism and socialism. america is a capitalist nation, for good or for bad, and the health care and pharmaceutical companies are private companies. they earn money. and one way they do this is innovation. they brought us many medical advancements on their way to making themselves a dollar. also, consider a group of people (250 million) who are paying for health care and are used to getting good care. now think about soccer moms sitting in "clinic 119" for 6 hours waiting to see a doctor that was assigned to the clinic for the day.

i can't think of much good coming from socialized medicine. people without health care can get care for free. they go to the ER and i see them every day. so you reduce the quality of care for the 250 million people who pay for it to provide mediocre care for everyone.

please don't take sicko as it is. it's not true. it raises good questions, but think thoroughly before you take things as fact.

sometimes

every once in a while, you wonder. why do stupid things happen that really don't help anything? people are stupid, and little people are a lot more stupid. monday, a 14-year-old little turtledumpster burned down the inverness country club. that's where kelly and i are having our wedding reception. my first reaction was laughing, because something like that has to be a joke. right?

i'm in birmingham, and i'm relaxing for a couple weeks. it's great. i had one of the greatest weekends ever. went to the lake for the day saturday, went to kelly's house for an early father's day dinner and ended up having a surprise party, then went back to the lake. i spent an extra day there alone, because i haven't been alone and totally by myself in about 2 years. living with a roommate is cheaper, and it's encouraging a lot of the time to see that someone is going through the same hell you are, but you want a little space sometime. kelly and i will reach that point some day soon. but for now, it's great to hang out with her while i'm not tired and worrying about the next upcoming test.

i'm with clint. the new wilco is pretty damn good. if you disagree with me, i will gladly fight for your right to disagree. but you'll still be wrong.

better than syphilis

today i take my big test. i woke up at 330, haven't been back asleep since then. i was hoping to celebrate hard after the test, but i might have to nap hard first.

if anyone has any interesting biomedical science questions, now is the time to ask. this evening, i am chunking all irrelevant material out of my brain to make room for real medicine.

over the river and through the woods

kelly and i are probably (not for sure) going to the over the rhine concert in nashville on june 8. it should be banging to the n-th degree. i've been listening to them for a little over a year. she has a voice. it has a quality that you can't describe, rough and sexy with a jazzy quality that makes you wonder where she grew up.

anyone coming with us?

mary, did you know?

we talked today about misconceptions we had concerning the practice of medicine before we started our trek to the finish line of actually being medical professionals. when i was little, i thought the doctor fixed people. anything that happened to me would be fixable. if there was a disease, uncle charlie (my pediatrician until i was 21) would make it right. it wasn't until medical school that i discovered that you can't fix cancer or diabetes or COPD. chronic disease was more chronic than the day you had to wait before you could get in to see uncle charlie.

we also laughed about the "there's nothing you can take for a virus" bit. there is. it's more for when you get bad off if your body is having a hard time throwing the virus down on the floor and beating the virus's virion to bits. but there are pharmacological answers to viruses.

WARNING: for anyone with a little monster being tore up by a virus - DON'T GIVE THEM ASPIRIN. NEVER GIVE A CHILD ASPIRIN. DON'T DO IT. YOU MIGHT CAUSE THEM TO GET REYE'S WHICH = BAD.

and the appendix. i know about 20 people who have had theirs taken out. little do they know, but statistically most of them (from what i've heard) didn't need it. but it's a quick and easy procedure and catches a potentially life threatening ailment before it happens. but it's not always needed because the appendix is not always inflamed. drugs could help many time, but better safe than sorry. and you get a sweet scar.

sleeping pills. i took one an hour ago. i'm dead in my body but my brain wants to work. i didn't know about sleeping pills unitl that green butterfly entered commercials on FOXNEWS. i like them.

sometime soon i will blog about the new michael moore movie. i like his questions. i like what he is trying to do. this film could be important if he doesnt make an ass out of himself just trying to get to the point. sometime soon i hope to blog about alternative/homeopathic/non-evidence based medicine. that will be fun also.

i salute you, mr pettis

next thursday, the day after i take my big test, i get to see pierce pettis play in a tiny venue. i think that could be one of the greatest shows i will ever see. he has so many amazing things to say with his music. i listened to his complete discography on the way to birmingham, then again on the way back to mobile. some of my favorite lines

Everything matters if anything matters at all.

We're all in this together, but we're all in this alone.

In it's wake the razor's edge leaves only a thin red line.

i could go on, but i'm studying. those three really stuck out to me this weekend. if anyone wants to join kelly and i, let me know. also, we might be going to the over the rhine concert friday night in nashville. that one is still up in the air though.

deficiency of c6-c8 leads to neisseria bactermia

there's a new poll out that evaluates muslim reactions to suicide bombings. it found that about 25% of muslim youths think that suicide bombings in defense of Islam are justified even when killing innocent bystanders.

i'm not totally sure what to think about the poll, either the point of it or what we should take away from it. i do know that the media is using it to whip people into a frenzy against american muslims. i think another interesting poll would research the number of americans who see muslim youths and think that they support suicide bombers.

one thing i've been thinking about is how when we marginalize and force people into molds, it becomes easier to fit into the molds. when we use violence and a "we must dominate" frame of mind, we turn everyone who is not with us into our enemy. does categorizing or making polls about suicide bombings change people's opinions about themselves? if i were something bad, say a staunch right wing republican (just kidding) and everyone knew that and assumed that about me, does it make it easier and more fulfilling to be an extreme staunch right wing republican?

the title is a line from the page i'm open to right now. if you have a congenital deficit of certain proteins, you get gonorrhea a lot more often. could you use that to your advantage? "i swear, it's just my genes, hillary. i did not touch that woman." anyway, i'm studying immunity and STDs. why am i thinking about polls?